Under Seige

 Gonna take my pies outta the oven?

Die Hard on a boat.  What more do you want?  Well not quite Die Hard, Die Hard is one of the best structured movies ever.  This is like when the dumb thug copies the smart kids homework but can't really spell.  It's all there but it's not as good as the original.

Under Siege is still a good movie.  It's super enjoyable and doesn't take itself too seriously.  Steven Seagal does though  Somehow he is a producer on this.

Nevertheless (!) the movie surrounds the decommissioning of the USS Missouri and it being taken over by a group of terrorists.  These terrorists ‘sneak’ onto the warship by disguising themselves as a surprise party for the Commander.  They kill a bunch of the sailors and quickly take over the Missouri.  See it turns out that when the US Navy retires a boat they travel to the retirement home with nuclear missiles.  Maybe that was its retirement package?  Either Way one thing I like about this movie is it doesn’t hang about.  We get our hero, villains and action kicking off quickly.   The 100 minute movie of the 90s was a thing of beauty.  In, out, no faffing about.  Lovely.  

So our John McClaine this time is none other than Steven Seagal, Casey Ryback, an ex-marine and the ship's cook.  Our Hans Gruber is Tommy Lee Jones and at times Gary Busey.  That's three bananas actors in this.  Somehow Steven Seagal acts like a normal human, one made of wood, but normal for his standards.  I mean Tommy Lee Jones, Academy Award Winner Tommy Lee Jones, challenges a diet version of his Two-Face from Batman Forever in this movie.  Half the time he is a cool calculated villain and the other half… complete nut job.  And for reasons unknown to science, Gary Busey is similar.  Just the scene where he drags up for the party is bonkers.  I suppose this right around the heyday of these actors, yes Jones did have a long career but he probably peaked in the 90s.  He got his Oscar then.  And Busey, well Point Break is only the year before.  Now look at him.

Anyway there are some things I do want to say about this motion picture…

Casey Ryback is cool, he’s kinda funny and his fighting scenes are good.  Seagal, then, clearly could do some serious movies and that knife fight at the end is rad (yeah rad).  I don’t know if its Seagal's lack of acting ability but his lack of emotion makes him enjoyable too watch.  All action and business no nonsense.  

But look, this movie is famous for one scene and I suppose you have to cover it when discussing Under Siege. There is only one female character with dialogue in multiple scenes.  That is Erika Elenia’s Miss July ‘89, Jordan Tate.  Yep, they cast an actual Playboy model turned actor to be the actor playing the playboy model.  It could actually be brilliant casting.  She tries her best in this movie but ultimately is only there as comic relief and to emerge from the cake.  Legend has it that video rental stores had to order more and more VHS copies of Under Siege because the tapes wore out with people rewinding to he topless scene.  Watching the movie again I found her character the strangest.  Brought on a warship full of men to basically strip but instead he takes too many sickness tables and lives (can’t think of another to put this) inside a cake only to pop out when Casey is chasing the ship.  She stayed there, presumably asleep, through a gun fight and mutiny and after all that comes around when the cake is pushed across the room.  I guess it didn’t have to make sense, it's a 90s action movie that needed a naked lady.   We lived in simpler times.

Regardless of whether the characters worked or the plot holds up to scrutiny… the movie is a fun time.  Silly, enjoyable action.

Threads

 Threads.  Probably the grimmest movie I've seen (although Requiem for a Dream is right up there).

Threads is a movie about the consequences of a nuclear war.  Made in 1984 during the cold war, Treads is set in the English city of Sheffield.  Everyone is going about their northern working class lives whilst an international situation is kicking off in Iran.  While we follow Jimmy and Ruth, two young people in love and just getting by in the 80s, the tension between the USA and Soviet Union is rising.  It's mostly in the background with nobody really taking any notice but throughout the first half of the movie it starts to become more significant to the viewer and the characters. But look, our Ruth is pregnant and our Jimmy is going to marry her and the soon to be three will struggle to get by but they’ll be together, look they've even bought a flat to fix up and live in.

However the movie cuts between our average joe characters and some local government officials.  They seem to be preparing for something, assembling key personnel  and making arrangements for the possibility of a war.  But that’ll hardly happen, the guys down the pub don’t think so.  

Here's the thing… it does.  A nuclear bomb is dropped over the North Sea.  We read a text dump of information on screen like a computer printer out (an 80s computer print out too).  This is one of the best things about this movie, it lacks any razzle dazzle.  The matter of factness of text dumps on screen is chilling.  The scenes of the aftermath are truly grim.  So, yeah the bomb gets dropped and we see the panic of people fleeing the streets, diving under cars, doing anything to stay protected from the blast.  Some people stare in disbelief, others race to see their loved ones, others panic and cry.  The fact that these are all, average everyday people makes it more intense.  Shortly after we get more information in on screen text.  NATOs defenses are destroyed… 3000 megatons are dropped on the UK.  This goes from crazy to total carnage in a matter of seconds.  This sequence is outstanding.  We see people freaking out, scream and the image flashes into a negative with short sharp shots of destruction; buildings collapsing, cars crashing and people burning.  

Our Jimmy doesn't make another appearance in the movie, probably a casualty of the nuclear war.  We just never find out his fate.  So we follow Ruth, now struggling with her family she leaves the family home and enters the destruction.  Text dump.  Nuclear fallout can cause serious issues for unborn children.  She’s pregnant… This is grim.  So she walks out and we get shots of burning buildings, charred remains of her neighbors (lovely) and, what is truly the most intense scene of the movie, a woman.  She looks old, covered in soot, ash and allsorts of dirt.  She is holding a burnt dead baby, man this movie is truly grim, and she is looking straight down the camera lens.  The whites of her eyes are piercing through the grime and dirt of the rest of her.  This shot, guys, this freaking shot.

So the movie progresses by doing time jumps.  We see a hospital open and floods of people pouring in to get medical help.  It’s gross.  Green and black sludge drip down the steps as blood and pus ooze out of the sick and injured. 

This movie is not pleasant. 

But we follow Ruth who gives birth to a child, on her own in a barn.  Thankfully the baby is okay.  This may be the only bit of levity in this part of the movie.  We get another time jump ten or thirteen years later.  We see gray people on gray ground with a gray sky working the land and Ruth collapses and dies.  She looks about 50 but in reality she is probably 30ish.  But her daughter doesn’t react how a child normally would in this situation.  The impact of nuclear war has had more impact than just the physical damage.

And the movie ends.

A horrific tale told well.  How the BBC released this I have no idea.

Avatar The Way of Water

After 14 years the blue people are back!

Fourteen years is a long time to wait for a sequel to any movie, let alone the most successful movie in the history of cinema.  I know James Cameron waited years until the technology was right to make the first movie and it seemed to pay off.  People loved that movie (especially internationally).  I’ll be honest… I saw it once in the cinema and thought it was good.  Nothing special but a well made movie that wasn’t bad.  I still don't know how it became the most successful movie ever. The memes at the time called it Pocahontas in space, but to be fair, movies are generally the same 7 or so stories.  I think this time it was just so obviously Pocahontas with blue people.  

Anyway, the new one.  Much like the first is a technical and graphical masterpiece.  It is also a simple movie with a simple plot and big action.  The water is outstanding.  I did forget that the movie is basically an animated film at times.  There are a couple of real life human people thrown every now and again.  I did think they looked a bit Spy Kids 3-ish.  They stood out a bit as “added after the fact” and weren't as seamless as the rest of the movie but they're so infrequent that it didn't really matter.

Here’s the thing… It worked last time.  I don't think the movie worked this time.  In fact I actually disliked the movie.  A first for a James Cameron movie (yes including Piranha II: The Spawning).  Avatar 2 is basically The Abyss without the interesting bits and with a not overly thought through revenge story tacked on.  

To be honest that was the thing that had the most potential.  See, the baddie from the first movie is back from the dead as a Na’vi Avatar and is hunting Jake Sully and his family for revenge.  That sounds awesome.  Why a massive colonial corporation who is looking to mine the planet’s resources and bleed it dry would allow this - I have no clue.  Don’t think about it too much…  look at the water - ooh- isn't it great?

And here lies the problem with this movie.  It does things that are interesting then leaves them for like 60 or 70 minutes and comes back to be all 2look, remember this?” then another 40 minutes of alien sea life.  Here's an example..  There is a human child known as Spider.  I say human he looks like a 20 year old rugby player who could bench a double decker bus, but anyway.  He gets captured by the bad blue people and within 5 minutes seems to be on their side.  Well he helps them get the flying dinosaur birds and how to speak the language but by the end of the movie Jake Sully is like, “Spider I'll save you” - “Oh thanks Jake Sully them there baddies are bad”, all after he leads them right to Jake Sully.  I mean it made no sense to fight against the baddies, then to help the baddies, then to fight against them again, then save the main baddie.  like, really?  Did the character forget about his morals as much as the movie forgot about his character?

Anyway… Most of the movie surrounds Jake Sully and girl Na’vi from the first movie’s kids.  They’re hardly in the movie.  Jake Sully does some narration and fights in the big action set piece at the end and their mother shows up when some anger or worry is needed in a scene.  She does nothing in this movie but get upset or annoyed, that is all.  And the kids keep doing the same thing.  Be told not to do something, end up doing and getting in trouble, being told not to do it again, the cycle repeats.

But look at the pretty water.

I mean there's a bunch of examples I throw out but really the movie is a showcase for amazing computer effects.  It won Best Visual Effects at the Academy Awards, how it was nominated for Best Picture i have no clue.  

Ambulance

Alright, get ready for a wild ride.  Bayhem is back, baby! This film has everything you could want in an action movie - high-speed car chases, explosive shootouts, and a heart-pumping plot that will keep you on the edge of your seat from start to finish.

The movie centres around two brothers, played by Jake Gyllenhaal and Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, who hatch a plan to rob an armoured truck. But when things go awry and they hijack an ambulance to make their escape, they find themselves caught up in a dangerous game of cat and mouse with the police.

Right from the opening scene, Ambulance grabs your attention and doesn't let go.  Once it starts, it never stops. The action is intense and visceral, with adrenaline-fueled car chases and heart-stopping shootouts that will have you holding your breath. But what really sets this movie apart is the chemistry between Gyllenhaal and Abdul-Mateen II. I love me some Gyllenhaal.  He just seems to go hard at it in his roles and it looks like he is having a great time making movies, especially this one.  

The film's pacing is also spot-on, with just enough downtime between the action sequences to allow the characters to develop and the story to unfold. And speaking of the story, it's a rollercoaster of twists and turns that will keep you guessing until the very end.

The movie is funny, there's plenty of humour and levity to balance out the intense action. Listen to the episode and hear all about Christopher Cross’s “Sailing” moment.  It's these little moments of humour that make the characters feel more human and relatable, and help to offset the tension and danger of their situation.

Of course, no action movie would be complete without a standout performance from the lead actors, and Gyllenhaal and Abdul-Mateen II do not disappoint. Together, they make for a compelling duo that you can't help but root for.

The supporting cast is also fantastic. Eiza González delivers a standout performance as a paramedic who is trying to keep the police officer in the back of the Ambulance alive.  High steaks you can really buy into.

Of course, it's not just the actors who make this movie great - the action sequences are also top-notch. Director Michael Bay is known for his high-octane, explosive action scenes, and he does not disappoint here. The car chases are particularly impressive, with the camera racing alongside the vehicles as they careen through the streets (drone shoots everywhere). And the shootouts are just as thrilling, with bullets flying and explosions rocking the screen.  It's Bay back to his best.

Look, Michael Bay loves America and he is excellent at making police, military and in this instance first responders (I think that's how the Americans like to call the emergency services) look incredible.

This movie is a classic, remove your brain-and-enjoy type of movie.  It didn't get enough love when it first came out.  So here is some of my love for it now.