It's Deadpool meets Jet Li's The One
My opinions of the Marvel Cinematic Universe are well documented. But, I have a great idea for Deadpool.
The Deadpool movies never did it for me. I can take them or leave them and on this occasion I leave them. However a billion dollar idea doesn't come that often. This one could cure the awkwardness of how Disney can use Fox's movies for their benefit. Why am I even doing this? Disney doesn't need more money. Still, enough front loading.
My memory of the 2nd Deadpool movie is that it ends with Deadpool jumping between dimensions for comedic effect. We continue this, only this time we do it for like 90 to 100 minutes.
So Deadpool has shot Wolverine Origins Deadpool and Ryan Reynolds, so two dead Deadpools. He realises he's become stronger, smarter, funnier and more aware. Why? He sits down with the old woman he lives with and on the TV Jet Li's The One is playing. That's it. It's almost like the moviemakers are so lazy that have stolen the plot of another movie and put Deadpool in it...
He uses Josh Brolin's dimensional jumping device (it probably has a name but I cant even remember if it was his robot arm thing or some sort of gun) and goes on a journey to "Clean up the lines!"
He jumps to different universes; including but not limited to...
Blue and Black Deadpool (is costume is one colour different and our Deadpool blames the terrible writers for that).
Australian Deadpool; the camera is upside down.
Mormon Deadpool; Deadpool in a shirt and tie.
Smokey and The Bandit Deadpool; Deadpool driving a Trans Am with a Burt Reynolds moustache. Deadpool makes a joke about him being the greatest Reynolds to ever act that isn't named Debbie.
Any generic national stereotype that can have a cheap joke is a Deadpool and our Deadpool is embarrassed for his movie. "This is meant to be the Return of the Jedi of Deadpool movies."
Jedi Deadpool. "Well Disney does own our soul."
We rock through a bunch of Deadpools until we meet Lady Deadpool and Deadpool Dog (it think these guys are in the comics). Deadpool dog is too cutie so he doesn't kill him and Lady Deadpool allows for a bunch of sex jokes for a good cheap laugh. Of course Deadpool finds a female version of himself super hot and she has joined us for the rest of the adventure.
Lady Deadpool talks up a big bad a British Deadpool. "Not another British Invasion". This is where we get an ove rthe shoulder shot of an ultra gritty, dark Deadpool slumping down in a chair in front of a mirror. Blood everywhere, out of breath he removes his Deadpool mask revealing...
Jason Statham
Statham Deadpool is on a mission to right the wrongs caused by the Disney-faction of comic book movies. He out to kill Disney Deadpool. Jump Cut to cutesy Disney Deadpool at Disneyland.
Our Deadpool hears about this and says " he must be one of those Snyder Cut fans".
Deadpool, Lady Deadpool and Deadpool Dog all go to stop Statham Deadpool. (That's a lot of Deadpools for one sentence).
They finally meet after asking around even more Deadpools from different universes. Our Deadpool has stopped killing them off the back of Lady Deadpool explaining that every Deadpool that dies gives their power to the other Deadpools, so Statham Deadpool is becoming more powerful as the we jump dimensions.
Late act 2 we have the big show down between our 3 and Statham Deadpool. Its a will fight with body parts flying off and, ultimately Lady Deadpool is executed Count Dooku style from Revenge of the Sith. Two crossed swords and one removed head. Statham Deadpool throws the head into a fiery oil barrel. She's dead.
Deadpool and Deadpool Dog are visually destroyed as we see Statham Deadpool jump to another dimension.
Act 3 is the revenge story with our Deadpool in a blind rage. He is so angry he points down the camera lens and says "**its getting real MF-ers".
Statham Deadpool has arrived in Disney Dimension. Its full of diversity and strong female empowerment. He doesn't care. He hacks throw women, children and minorities with no regard.(Maybe there's some subtext here?) If there is a Deadpool cosplay or costume there is a dead body inside it.
Woof! Woof! Two angry barks come off screen. Deadpool Dog! and Our Deadpool super heroic in slow motion coming out of a portal.
The two Deadpools proceed to go on a Disneyland skirmish. Fighting on every icon ride.
The Log Flume
Space Mountain
The other big named rides and areas, I don't know I was at Euro Disney once when I was about 13.
The fight naturally builds to the Castle and they fight amongst the parades and into the back with all the fire works.
Our Deadpool beats down Statham Deadpool and we Have Statham Deadpool giving his final bad guy speech. Its all about the dangers of a massive company building and unstoppable empire. Our Deadpool tells him to Shut up and unloads clips upon clips of bullets from hundreds of different guns just as the fireworks kick off and explode Statham sky high.
Epilogue.
A miserable Deadpool is sitting on the sofa with the old blind woman stroking Deadpool dog recounting the story. She speakes up saying that if there is an infinite number of universes then surely there is another Lady Deadpool. Deadpool makes a joke that are no other female superheroes, just... an he lists all the Marvel female heroes. But wait maybe there is a universe where she is a natural blonde. Hard cut to Deadpool dimension hopping again to find an other Lady Deadpool. He eventually does and they kiss romantically. "See women superheroes are totally replaceable".
Then End.
Post Credits scene
Deadpool sits down with the three live action Spider-men. "See I'm just like you guys. Thats definately you under that mask Garfield, is it?"
BOOM! portal opens. "Why so many portals?" Out steps Liam Hemsworth. "Holy **** its Superman!"
End.
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